It takes more than acing exams to get ahead in life. As we increasingly understand, tuning into our emotions and learning how to control and express them appropriately can be a key driver of success. Research has shown that, alongside other benefits, people with high emotional intelligence (EI) tend to perform better at work and earn more money*. The good news is that emotional intelligence isn’t simply something we are born with — it is a flexible set of skills that can be learned and strengthened with practice.

“EI is the ability to identify and manage your emotions, as well as the emotions of others,” explains Hannah Wells, Deputy Head Teacher at Kings’ School Nad Al Sheba. “Judging how emotionally intelligent a person is really comes down to their own self-awareness. People need to be able to judge the impact — positive or not — of their own actions and behaviours on themselves and on the people around them. They also need to be able to judge how successful they are in managing their own emotions as well as those of others.”

To set the record straight, emotional intelligence has nothing to do with how easily you cry at a sad film. It is about recognising your own emotions, understanding the emotions of others and communicating those feelings in a healthy and constructive way.

“We may choose to express our emotions only to people we trust and feel comfortable with, and this is completely normal. The difference is that having a high EI means making a healthy choice rather than using an avoidance tactic,” says Joanne Jewell, Founder of Mindful Consultancy, which helps parents, children and families build emotional intelligence in ways that are appropriate for their age and stage of development.

“Whether children are aged five or 15, if they feel emotionally connected to their parents and teachers, they will be much more likely to learn the skills we want to teach them and to seek us out when they have a problem. Further to this, using our EI is a great way to build a strong, healthy, loving relationship with our children, giving them a secure base from which they can explore the

world.

Teaming Emotional Intelligence with Education

Kings’ Schools parents will know that demonstrating emotional intelligence is an integral part of the school culture — and with good reason.

“It is our responsibility as school leaders and as parents to ensure that children are given explicit opportunities to consider their own emotional intelligence and to act on feedback,” says Hannah. “Acquiring an understanding of how to be emotionally intelligent supports children in building relationships with their peers and with adults. It helps them develop crucial collaborative skills, as well as an understanding of how to manage their own emotions and those of others.”

At Kings’, nurturing emotionally intelligent learners is also seen as an important step towards developing future leadership potential.

“Much of the research states that emotionally intelligent leaders are more likely to build cohesive teams with higher productivity and rates of happiness, and that they tend to retain employees for longer,” confirms Hannah. “Children learn best through experience and need concrete examples to help them. Our teachers build opportunities into learning across the curriculum that allow children to develop competencies linked to building EI.”

Setting the Tone at Home

Of course, sending your child to a school that values emotional intelligence is only part of the picture. Parents can play an equally important role at home.

“Children learn most through role modelling, such as watching, listening and experiencing the skills we use, so they learn them as and when their brain is ready,” says Joanne. “The key way to build EI at home is to value it and, therefore, role model it using appropriate skills and strategies.”

It is something that teachers at Kings’ also endeavour to inspire.

“Parents can help by encouraging children to self-regulate their own emotions and develop an awareness of how their actions and emotions impact the feelings and emotions of those around them,” says Hannah. “Crucially, developing self-awareness of their own emotions is one of the first steps towards becoming emotionally intelligent.”

The 4 Core Elements of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is made up of four core skills that fall under two primary competencies: personal competence and social competence. Together, these skills help children understand themselves, connect with others and respond to everyday situations in healthier ways.

1. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to accurately recognise and understand your emotions as they happen. It involves noticing how you feel, understanding what may have triggered those feelings and recognising how your emotions can influence your behaviour.

“In order to raise our self-awareness, we can reflect on how we interact with others, for instance, and what skills we use that make situations with our children successful,” says Joanne Jewell.

Helping children put their feelings into words is a simple but powerful way to develop this skill. Instead of dismissing emotions, parents can encourage children to recognise and name what they are feeling.

2. Self-Management

Self-management is the ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behaviour.

“This means giving emotions a name and not judging whether an emotion is ‘good’ or ‘bad’, as it’s just a feeling,” says Joanne. “It also covers improving the ability to calm ourselves using self-care, breathing techniques, being self-compassionate, understanding what intrinsically motivates us and creating a healthy environment where nutritious food and exercise are part of family life.”

Children need to learn that experiencing difficult emotions is normal. The goal isn’t to prevent anger, sadness or frustration, but to help them understand these feelings and learn healthy ways of responding to them.

3. Social Awareness

Social awareness is the ability to recognise emotions in other people and understand what may really be going on beneath their behaviour.

“Responding to our children’s non-verbal cues is important, as this teaches them the value of body language,” says Joanne. “Similarly, being non-judgmental in our approach to our children and society as a whole, and having personal and family values and putting them into practice, is key.”

Teaching children to notice facial expressions, tone of voice and body language can help them become more aware of how other people may be feeling.

4. Relationship Management

Relationship management is the ability to use awareness of your own emotions and the emotions of others to manage interactions successfully.

“This means using active listening, empathy, setting boundaries and teaching our children how to set them for themselves in an age-appropriate way,” says Joanne. “It also covers teaching conflict resolution skills and how to talk about what is bothering us, rather than ignoring or sending people away.”

Praise also has an important role to play. When used thoughtfully, it can help children develop a growth mindset and encourage intrinsic motivation rather than relying solely on external rewards.

Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids Starts with Us

Ultimately, helping children develop emotional intelligence is less about teaching them a list of rules and more about giving them opportunities to observe, practise and experience healthy emotional behaviour.

When parents and teachers model self-awareness, empathy, emotional regulation and healthy communication, children learn that emotions are something to understand rather than fear or suppress. These skills can help them build stronger relationships, handle challenges more effectively and develop the confidence they need to navigate the world.

The secret to raising emotionally intelligent kids may be simpler than we think: start by modelling the emotional intelligence we want to see in them.